It’s All Coming to an End…College Reflection

As I approach graduation, like any other major milestones in life, you are forced to look back on all that you have done. The realization that I am not completely satisfied with my college experience came about by listening to others talk about theirs, beaming proudly at all they've done and their many aspirations.

 

Because of the situation I was in I was not able to fully engage in the college experience for my 1^st four years there; I lived on my own and was working an extremely draining and demanding job that sucked up most of my time. That was four years of bonding, friending, travelling, networking, and enrichment that I lost. I look at other's friendships that have been formed through those concentrated interactions on campus, and the evident camaraderie, and it makes me a bit sad that I am on the outskirts of those groups.

 

I know that I am blessed to have even been able to have gone to college; I do not regret the people that I have met, the experiences that I have had, and what I have done. I just wish I could have experienced a little bit more…if just one year more.

 

Perhaps I can use this as motivation to provide a better life for my future children, so they won't have to be thrust into adulthood so soon. I want them to have more culturally enriching lives, less stress due to an unstable environment, and be motivated to do well because they will have parents who don't just expect that of them; they will be examples of that greatness. I don't want them to have to work so hard to survive and miss out on what life has to offer. I don't want their youthfulness to be drained because of bills, stress, what ifs, and if onlys. I want to create in them that balance between responsibility and fun.

 

I want to give them the childhood-young adulthood I didn't get to fully have.

 

 

I guess I better get started, huh…?

 

One ♥

The Camera is Rolling…

Play. As I was driving the other day, there was a car in front of me who threw on its signal for a right turn.  I had the thought in my head, "Turn signals can breed stalkers, because people know how to follow you."  As I laughed to myself at my weird observation, I took notice of where he was turning—into a strip club parking lot.  Now, I consider myself desensitized to lots of forms of alternate and deviant lifestyles, and strip clubs fall into that category.  Heck, I've BEEN to a couple of them before.  But it was something about this moment in time that made the world slow down around me, and really take in my surroundings.  Not the inside of my car, or even the street I was on.  I'm talking about the world.

 
 

Rewind.  I was on my way home from my Inequality and Society class, where we watched a documentary called "Inside Job", based on Wall Street and the subsequent launch into this horrible recession based on the heartless and greedy actions of the people who operate there.  The conclusion was that as long as their money is safe and they'll be ok, they are willing to crush the average person in order to gain and maintain, resulting in the worst stock market crash since the Great Depression.

 
 

Rewind.  I rarely watch the news, but when I do, it's ridden with murder, war, rape, trafficking, arson,  and crimes against children and the elderly, and all that falls in the middle.  Our schools' funding is being cut, schools are being closed, and children who aren't given enough incentive or encouragement to be better despite these circumstances are recycled into top of the news segments.  Meanwhile, while our children are been thrown under a bus along with their futures because of meager beginnings, football players, politicians, and white collar crooks are making millions of dollars.  Where's the logic in that?

 
 

Pause. We live in a world where the word "gain" is used in so many contexts except the right one.  It should be about the love of our children, fellow man, and the better of society as a WHOLE, not just the top 1% who are worth more than the entire bottom 90%.  Yet, the aged old root of all evil and self-gratification are what's running the world, are a part of people's motivations to move forward and exist, despite the rampant joblessness, homelessness, and severe crime happening in the 'land of the free and home of the brave' where 'all men are created equal' and are given the right to 'life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness'.  Those aren't MY words.

 
 

Play. As I watched this person pull into the strip club parking lot, where some poor girl feels the need to take off her clothes because she feels her physical attribute are worth a few one's, I got immensely sad.  We live in the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah, and people can't tie that with all the 'natural disasters' happening around us. Devastating earthquakes, birds falling from the sky, fish washing up on shores.  This world is worse than the world before it, so we will not be afforded a quick destruction, but a slow and painful one.  Are we past redemption?  I am working hard to not be turned into a pillar of salt.

 
 

Fast Forward: When you are given the opportunity to look back on it all, will you want someone watching your movie?  I don't know about you, but I don't like movies that end on a sour note.  Make people root for you; root for other people.  You can't heal the whole world, but you can be a stitch that is trying to mend your own surroundings.  Make your time on earth count: this is NOT a rehearsal!  We are LIVE. Live like it.  You can't go back and make edits, but you can make changes to the script.  You still have time, so…..

 
 

 
 

 
 

Pause.

German Theory

There's this old German psychological theory that applies to so many things in life: career, friends, family…and love.

 

Gestalt: The WHOLE is greater than the SUM OF IT'S PARTS.

 

This means the individual aspects of something aren't comparable to the entire entity.

 

So, sometimes a person's flaws isn't comparable to who they are as a person.

 

The man who figures this out will be the one who accepts me, flaws and all; he'll realize that I am not a mythological creature (so he'll know not to expect one) and will see the God in me and realize that I and His relationship includes helping me to minimize those things that the last guy may see as an arresting factor. Notice that I said 'minimize' and not 'eliminate', because although those parts aren't greater than me they DO make me who I am, so it will be next to impossible to COMPLETELY change those things. I am who I am because of my flaws. You all are, too.

There ARE some things that are detrimental to your spirit and all that you encounter; those you must also give to God. But character flaws (that we all have) must be accounted for and weighed by your potential partner. It is that one whom in the back of their minds knows Gestalt's theory (without ever having a psych class :) who will see you for the wonder that you are.

 

As for those who chose to have your individual parts outweigh your being, thank them. Thank them for making way for the person who is actually supposed to be with and appreciate you. Thank them for also helping you realize those flaws (but beware of people who project their own flaws onto you; it may be them and not you) so that you can acknowledge them. Don't pity them for not giving you a chance despite those things; there's someone out there who will!

 

I am in no way condoning complacency with less than desirable conditions; if you are in a situation that is not changing due to your laziness, lack of drive, or bitterness towards all mankind…no, NO one has to deal with you. And you should not feel that they have to. It's not fair to you, first of all, to continue living a life that is not to its full potential. Secondly, it's not fair to throw up your hands and say "Well, this is me", and wonder why you're alone…you know the difference, so don't act as if you are unaware.

 

I realize my flaws, and God and I are working on them. The man who sees that and accepts that will know that I am not perfect, but I'm perfect FOR HIM.

 

One ♥

 

The Three Things That Will Get You Through Life

It's been such a long time since I've blogged! I guess the volume of the semester weighed upon me, and it slipped my mind. That is not to say that I didn't have all kinds of crazy thoughts running through my head, though….au contraireJ Now that the semester is over, and I am forced to think about the real world (seeing as next semester is my last:) It is causing me to bring all of my thoughts, knowledge, and wisdom to the table. How am I to survive in this world? There is a simple solution at the base of it all…

 

Today's Big Topic is: Possibilities

 

People live for them and at the same time live despite them, while others see them as a myth.

 

Did you know that Faith, Possibility, and Patience have an on-going love affair? One cannot exist successfully without the other. Not just that, but you can't fully appreciate one without the other. Think about it: they are in existence based on what you feel inside, not something you can see. Even more simply, you have to have faith to see something as a possibility, and have patience until that possibility happens. And if your possibility comes into fruition, then you cannot hold onto the outcome without faith and the patience it takes for it to all grow.

 

This is a philosophy that I am 90% able to live by. Patience is something that still is yet to be one of my virtues, but I am human and wonderfully flawed; I'm working on it, though. And as a human, I still suffer with doubt and negative self-talk, as if something I want won't be, due to human error. "I think, therefore I am" always pops into my head as one of those classic truths, and along with faith and patience, it can make all of my dreams POSSIBILITIES.

 

So far as I know, I am destined to bring about change to my surroundings, in the hearts of children and the adults who have lost their faith in them. That sounds awfully confident, right? Well, confidence is important in this life game: when you're sure, then all other things will be easier to see. With that in mind, I know that all other positive thoughts must follow; I can't reach someone else without having the disposition that exemplifies what I am trying to convey.

 

Teach by example, in short. And, oh yeah, be non hypocritical…but I digress.

 

We simply MUST keep faith. If not in something specific (like that dream job you want), then in the fact that God has a perfect design, and no matter how much it seems that our worlds are crumbling around us, those pieces will just fall to make a beautiful mosaic…and be better than what it started.

 

I don't really know if anyone reads my blog, but I have faith that whoever reads these words, this was indeed for them. Keep your head up, love; change is coming.

 

One ♥

 

~Robin

Empty, Unkempt Promises

Empty, Un-kept Promises

 

My life has been chock full of men who have done nothing but make empty promises (father, brother, cousin, friend, lover)…but my Great grandmother always taught me that a promise was a comfort to a fool. So, I guess I'm a fool…

AM I a fool, though? I'm a woman of my word; if I say I'm going to do something for you, come hell or high water, I'm going to do it. I also believe a person is only as good as their word…so if one keeps saying things that they DON'T do, then what does that say about the person?

 

Granted, circumstances may arise that prevent a promise from being kept: monetary issues, life issues, personal issues, etc…but my question is, when do you STOP giving the "benefit of the doubt", and start holding someone accountable for their actions?

 

I am very understanding, and simple to please. I understand "shit" happens…it happens to me, too. But why do people think that things that go unsaid, just disappear? There will always be that pink elephant in the room if things aren't addressed, and as my irritation and anger grows, so will the damn elephant. And the bigger it gets, the less room there is in the room…and someone has to leave. I can tell you with confidence that it WON'T be me.

 

Situations such as these make you question yourself. Am I worth not keeping promises to? While I'm sitting here performing the Golden Rule, is that all they're using me for? I am a giving person, especially to the ones I feel deserve it, but when that person has all these grandiose ideas that they're going to return the favor, and it doesn't happen…does that mean I'm unappreciated?

God placed in me this enormously giving heart, but I guess I've yet to learn when to pull on the reigns of it, to know when to slow down, to know when to stop before I get hurt.

 

But I think it's a sad time when you can't count on the word of the ones you love…after that, what's there to hold on to, hope? Hope is for suckers in fairytales…

NEVER ASSUME

NEVER ASSUME. You never know what anyone is going through, no matter how much they tell you. They could paint you a portrait, or write the most revealing words, but only the painter, speaker, and God know what's truly in their hearts. All you can do is what God tells you to do for that person; that can be time spent, an ear lent, a hug given, or just God's love.

So often we go through life, looking down on individuals for what they do, what they USED to do, what have or don't have, what they wear…but these superficial representations are given to real people, who breathe the same air as you, and have red blood running through their veins, too. Who are we to judge others? Granted, we may not associate ourselves with their activities (murderers, rapists, drug dealers, etc.), but just like I heard a poet say this weekend, "People only remember the endings, without even considering the beginnings."

So, the next time you decide to make fun of someone, or call someone a loser, remember that what people show is not always what is. I'm not saying be naïve, I'm just saying…DON'T ASSUME. Some people hide their true selves, afraid of the judgment and ridicule they may receive, which people tend to give out freely anyway w/o much prompt. What an egotistical species we are!

Historically, non-Whites were judged...and you know how THOSE stories go.

Or, let me put this into perspective: say you are struggling with a sin that you legitimately want to change about yourself. Although your actions display the sin, your heart is trying to fight its way through to turn your life around. The saying is "God knows your heart", which means, He knows your true intentions, and once you let Him in, He'll help you change it, right? But what if God DIDN'T know your heart, yet judged you simply based on your actions…you'd be in a pickle wouldn't you?

 

That's why only God can judge, because NONE of us have the power to see what He sees.

 

I'm, too, working on this. "When someone shows you they are believe them", true enough, but it's much more healthy to send prayers for that person out into the universe rather than negativity; only one helps. The words says, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone".…let me see those rocks flying!

The last time I checked, the only perfect person was crucified. Never forget that.

Should I Go There?

They say (and examples have proven) that sex ruins friendships.

 

But what if I want the friendship ruined? Isn't it then exactly how I wanted it to be?

 

Isn't it perfect and NOT ruined (at least from my point of view)? Let me explain…

 

Words between us connected like electric charges

He finished my circuit that had been darkened

Watts aren't a strong enough measurement

so I called him my sun spot

And it was at that speed of light that

explosions were caused

The scenery between I and he consisted of

static electricity

and I was shocked when he pulled my plug

and dimmed our lights that are now likened to

a 40 watt bulb

Our steady glow has provided just enough light for show

but steadily, my eyes strain…I can no longer see why am here

especially when he's taking filament from me

to light someone else's way

which wouldn't be so bad…if he didn't share with me his exposures

from his dark room

He's painting pretty pictures for me in his cursed form of photography

and the shyt just make me negative

So before this tiny light goes completely out

I wanna use its heat to light my fire

to ignite in me the same thing I felt

when his sun rays first shone on me

I am not content

and am tired of acting as if I am

Is it so wrong to want to burn out this bulb

before I toss the lamp?

 

#juskeepinitreal

Her Mistakes

Self-Serving Bias:
A belief that a person will behave in a certain way, so you treat them as if they WILL act that way. This, in turn, makes them behave in the manner that you predicted…so you say, "Aha! I KNEW it!"

 

I am SO tired of getting the short end of the stick! I can't tell you how many guys I've come across that are cynical and jaded because they've opened up their hearts to women in the PAST (key word), and the women have turned around and broken their hearts. So, here I am, a woman who is genuine, who has nothing but my significant other's best interests at heart, and I'm looked upon as "just like all them other bitches". I know: it's hard to come across a person who is genuinely nice, and ACTUALLY means the things that they say. But I am one of those people. There are no amount of words that I can say to make a guy believe that I am not out to hurt them or whatever they think that my motive is…all I can do is ask for a chance.

I'm not speaking from the outside completely; I've been there, too. I've kept one eye open when dealing with new guys, assuming that they all want the same thing(s) from me, and that I will be hurt. Although I HAVE come across a lot of guys who fit that description, I've learned not to treat each new guy as such. Each person is their own individual, and they don't all have the same motives. Indeed, don't put your heart completely on the line with EVERY person you meet, but give them a chance: a chance to prove themselves to be a person you can see yourself with, OR a chance to fuck up. Don't jump the gun.

 

I put that definition at the top for a reason. This is a term I learned in my Social Psychology class. I'll give you all a second to read it again….ok?

Got it??

LOL…anyway, this can apply to different parts of life, but for the sake of this note, I'm talking about relationships. What that's basically saying is that some people behave this way, sort of a defense mechanism, towards newcomers in their life…kind of cut them off at the pass, so that their heart won't get broken. They behave in such a way to drive the other person away, maybe by being accusatory, rude, or just mean, and the OTHER person reciprocates these actions and attitudes. This way, it's easier to leave the person alone, assuming that eventually it would have self-destructed anyway…I've seen this personally, too. This routine get so old, that it makes me want to NOT even try sometimes, but I know eventually someone will see me for who I REALLY am, not as someone they're EXPECTING me to be.

 

I've had this on my mind for a while, and I know it's unprecedented for Poetress to NOT write a poem, but I decided to step outside of that box this time to say in plain English how I felt about this matter. I know there are many of you who feel the same way. I AM a good person…I have my faults, but that's the price one pays for being human. But, in general, I have a lot of love in me, God's love, to give. I guess He knows that, and is aiding me in choosing wisely. Not many of us have the privilege of being hand-picked like I know I am…so I supposed He wants to hand-pick the one for me…I know you can't appreciate sunny days without some downpours, but it's time for some people to realize that and start praying for a bright forecast! I will be doing just that. I've done my job if I've spoken for someone's heart …

You never know what you have until it's gone, and by the time you realize, it may be too late…

 

One ♥

Feelings are Retarded Bastards

Do I REALLY need to elaborate on this? The title says it all…

 

Fine.

 

People who don't deserve your fleeting thoughts, your random smiles, your night time subconscious…seem to always creep into your cerebellum…

 

And you know it's bad when you'd never admit it to anyone. Hell, it's hard enough that you know it.

 

You say to yourself, "Self, why do I keep thinking of him/her?"

 

And of course, yourself never has any solutions. You think of advice you'd give someone else, and it's obsolete. You begin to understand why others frustrate you so much when they don't give into reason:

It's because love is without reason.

This person has done this, that, and the other…probably has no remorse…probably doesn't think about you…yet…

You heart can't seem to let go. When they were a part of your life, their actions affected you. Now that they're not, guess what? Their actions (or lack thereof) STILL affect you. Can't win for losing, huh?

 

When someone enters your world, they leave impressions on your heart. They stain it, kind of like the stained glass on churches. Beautiful stains that can sometimes be cracked and broken by the same person…but you can still see the remnants, and remember the beauty that once was, and picture it being put back together.

 

Some breaks are worse than others, though; unfixable. You recognize those, hopefully, and know that window should be replaced, not fixed.

 

Tug-o War is what it turns into. Your love side and your let go side are at odds, and both have really good arguments…and it's up to your realistic side to make the decision.

 

But alas, it's your hopeful side that keeps the fight going…and I don't even believe in hope; it leaves too much room for disappointment.

 

So it's about faith. Faith in the fact that whatever decision is made will lead to something worthwhile and beneficial to growth. Both good and bad lessons help to achieve this goal; but the ultimate goal is to make a decision that is conducive to your life.

 

But sometimes you step out on reason and take a chance. It's then that you ask yourself, "Self, is it worth it?"

 

You see how convoluted and circular this all is, with no real answers? That is why I said:

 

Feelings are retarded bastards.

 

But…they're your retarded bastards. Love and protect them.

 

One ♥

What If…?

It's been a while since I've blogged, but I've been compelled.

 

It seems the past keeps creeping its way back into the present; feelings I thought were gone are resurfacing. These aren't romantic feelings, but dang-I-thought-I-was-over-that feelings and if-I could-turn-back-time-would-I ? feelings.

 

It's making me look back on the past and reevaluate my actions and words, and try to weigh my fault in my failed relationships. By that, I mean it's making me consider two aspects:

1. What could I have done to make the situation better?

2. Even if I did that, would it have been the best choice?

 

As I write, I realize that reminiscing on things that once was is making me wish that what was is now: strong, steadfast relationships, full of laughter and intimacy. There are friends that I wish was still a vital part of my life, who I wish that we can get a fraction back of the way we were.

 

This also makes me consider the way I can sometimes blow up about things and take them out of proportion. At the time, I feel justified. I have gotten a lot better about that, too; you should not do things out of anger, or the over abundance of any emotion for that matter. Your perception is distorted and may cause you to do things that you normally would not do had you been of sound mind.

 

I can't forget that I was not the only perpetrator. My role in the failures was not one-sided, but it makes one wonder if both parties cared enough, could obstacles have been overcome? In the end, it seems I was the only one who cared; I tried hard to fix things, but to no avail. I couldn't have been the only one in my relationships because if that were the case, WOULD it have been worth it?

 

I hate questions and thought rewinds.

 

My heart seems to think that if I love something, then it should be close to me. I then question why it is not…

 

…I then realize that you have no control over anyone but yourself. You can't make people love you. You can't make people want to be in your life. You can't make yourself matter to other people, no matter if you pull ALL the stops.

 

That's what makes me question myself, if it's me. Is there some arresting factor about me that drives people away? There is room for improvement in everyone, but is mine so dire that it deems my presence uninhabitable for long periods of time?

 

Everything happens for a reason, but it's never a linear path. If it were, this road would not seem to be heading back in the opposite direction, questioning my present based on a past that should be forgotten.

 

Love is another indicator of life's path not being linear; I have love for SO many people from the past who probably don't even think about me anymore. And for my love to still be so prevalent, it makes me think, and sit down a write things like this….wondering…

 

What If…?

 

I still love you; always will.

 

One ♥

Why Do Women Hate on Other Women?

Here's another answer of mine from a question posed in the same book: Why We Should Love Black Women by Hasani Pettiford:

 

I speak from personal experience as a victim and a perpetrator, and in general.

Women hate on other women because of their own insecurities. Pure an simple.

Women see what other women have, which is oftentimes synonymous with what the hater DOESN'T have, and they covet it: men, money, materials, brains, body, confidence, peace, etc...

They try to figure out why they can't reach the same level: Maybe I'm not cute enough, skilled enough, too broke, dumb, fat, got too much negativity going on...

And to keep all of the blame from being on themselves (and because it's MUCH easier to blame your woes on others rather than take personal responsibility), you think of ulterior motives as to why she REALLY has all those things...:

She must be a hoe, she must be screwing her way to the top, she must have men giving her things/ rich parents, she must have gotten plastic surgery, she think she's all that...

In placing those negative attributes on the other women, it makes us feel better about our condition, because it says to us that we COULD attain those things if we wanted to, and that those women are no better than us. It's not about who's better or worse; it's about who wants it more. Even those who have gotten certain perks in their lives through means other than honest gain have a chance of losing it all because of the maintenance behind it, skills they haven't learned due to things being handed. It all depends on what's left when the surface is stripped; that's what will carry on.

Instead of congratulating those women who are on the up and up (because let's be honest, there are some women who aren't far from the negatives) we put them down and underestimate them because we aren't where they are. It's been a long time since I've had this mind set, and I now give credit where it's due, because it's hard enough as it is to make it out here, and we don't need negative energy from those who are supposed to understand and love us. I also try to uplift those who feel as if they can't be more than what they are. It all starts within the person.

Does Hip-Hop Hate Black Women?

So, I was going through some old FB messages, and came across my response to this question…I was asked this to assist in a compilation of answered featuring this, and many other topics of interest in relation to Hasani Pettiford's Why We Should Love Black Women. I said:

 

Well, let me first say that Hip-Hop is more than music; it's a way of life. And I think that there should be technicalities when using the term, because the foolishness that is popular these days is not Hip-Hop; it's rap. Most rap lacks substance, and only presents what is popular: money, cars, clothes, sex, drugs, and violence, all behind a beat. That is not music. They have become slaves to the industry and are no longer doing what they love; they're doing what sells. The sad thing is, only a small percent of the population, in my opinion, would appreciate a true MC if he came out on a purely intellectual tip. Even some of the more intellectual people deviate a bit, but because they are mostly geared towards what's not popular, they are underrated. Everybody else would rather Swag Surf.

Anyhoo, my sistahs in videos...it is truly a sad thing. It's no secret that Black women are portrayed as sex symbols who bounce their asses to the very lyrics that make them less than the queens that they are. They too are selling their souls, based on their assets. In a sense, maybe I'm selfish to say, "Well, they ain't talking about me." Just because we share the same shade doesn't mean they represent me. I'm more concerned about our children, the sponges who soak up this nonsense, and who are inevitably our future. Little boys who think it's ok to grab booty (and whatever else), and little girls who wear shorts up to God knows where, all because the songs and videos lead them to believe that this is the norm, that this is the only way to attract the opposite sex. This is where good parenting is critical, to teach our children the difference between fantasy and reality, that there are more options to life than what they see on television, that these people have real people problems behind the scenes, that not all that glitters is gold, and that just because it looks good doesn't mean it's good for you. I really wish that our little girls had better people to see on TV, but this is not what sells, so I leave with this: leave that representation to people who it represents. To those of us who DO care, turn off the TV.

 

One ♥

Friends Forever

It's easy to make friends as a child. Friendship was based on vicinity: who lived on your block, who went to your school, and who was in your family. If you should so happen to grow up with that person, then secrets are shared, with some maybe involving them. Since adolescence is full of firsts, you experience those together, too. In short, to grow with those people meant sharing parts of you as time went along. They were there with you as things happened, so there was no need to go back and tell most things; they already knew because they existed in that time frame. And if they still stuck around, then you know they accepted you and all of your eccentricities.

 

I think that's precisely the reason it's hard to make friends at an older age. People are reluctant to letting others into their hearts (for whatever personal reason). I am a selfish friend in the sense that I want all of you, no hidden agendas, no secrets. I am also a foolish friend in the sense that I believe people should be as open as I am. Any type of relationship require trust to function, and in my mind if someone isn't being 100, or just giving me a half story, they don't trust me, therefore we are not real friends; just really cool acquaintances. I yearn for authenticity, for types of friendships that are built and cherished. These days, though, it seems as if I'm the only one making efforts to build in all my relationships, and that hurts me. I initiate calls, texts, and quality time. My life is pretty hectic, too, but like I always say: people make time for what they want to make time for.

 

I'm always falling victim to loving others more than they love me, on all fronts…and this must stop.

 

I don't like to second guess myself and my worth. And yes, God does love me and accepts me for who I am, flaws and all. But I need earthly companionship. Humans are a social animals, and I am no different. I just would like someone to see me as worth the effort of getting to know and making time for. To go through life and not feel important to anyone is rough; to not feel genuinely loved is even rougher.

 

I love the people that I love, and try to show them every chance that I get. I can't remember the last time one of my people performed a random act of kindness on my behalf. If just doesn't occur to them. I guess what I'm saying is that there's a simple way to love me: action. And if that need isn't being met, then it speaks volumes of the people in question, and my place in their lives. But if the current people are lacking in that department and new people are giving me the cold shoulder then….where does that leave me to turn in this world?

 

One ♥

 

Old Fashioned Gal

I am the oldest 24 year old you will ever meet. I like old music, don't understand what's wrong with "young people" these days, and I want an old fashioned relationship…

 

Boy meets girl, boy woos girl, girl falls for boy, boy and girl fall in love…fast forward…they get married and have children.

 

But these days it's more like: Boy meets girl, boy want to come over girl's house within 12 hours…

 

Are you aware of the diseases going around these days? And I know all I wore today was a t-shirt and jeans, but I wasn't aware that that was the new street walker attire because that's OBVIOUSLY what you think I am.

 

Boy lies to girl to get in her panties…

 

That is SO old. Are you so insignificant, lonely, desperate, or gameless that you have to lie to get some? GROW UP.

 

Boy will be RIGHT over after he goes over other girl's house to pick up his 6 kids.

 

These are just a few examples. What happened to simplicity? I feel as if a quality guy with no children is like asking to see a unicorn. Especially by the time I'm to that point of wanting to settle down (which I'm not far from. I'm in my mid-twenties!). My thought process is that if you are with a guy with children, you will ALWAYS be second to the life that he's built before meeting you. I'm not kosher with that. I'm holding out on children because I want to wait for marriage and having children singly is NOT what's hott for me right now.

 

"But Robin, the guy who has all of the qualities you want in a man might just so happen to have children." I'm aware of that, but can't a sistah dream…?

 

One ♥

More than friends

My little sister laughs when I tell her my definition of crazy: a person who keeps doing the same shyt over and over again, thinking they're going to get different results. It has so much truth value because a person with sense would learn from their mistake and try a different approach in order to make something come out the way they envisioned, OR quit doing the same shyt that inevitably fails. That being said, I will admit that I am crazy.

 

Why do I keep taking that extra step with friends, and end up losing them?

 

Friends and sex do not mix. No matter how well you think you have the situation handled, unless you two plan on being together, someone will be hurt.

 

Someone's feelings bubble over, with the affections not returned. One sided situations are really painful. So you're left with two choices: keep hurting or remove yourself, while quite possibly hurting the other party. You can't win for losing. How the circumstances play out depend solely on each situation, but be assured that the majority of the time it won't be pretty.

 

I can only count two people who I am still very cool with, with whom I've been through this situation. That's not to say that there was never any conflict. Au contraire, we've fallen out, argued, and "broken up" on several occasions. It just got too hard. But somehow, some way, we always ended up back in each other's lives. One I'm just cool with, the other I love dearly. As screwed up as he may be, that's my boy; we'll always have each other's back.

 

This ending is not typical, though…not by a long shot. Even if two people come back from the awkwardness, it won't be the same as before. People are not always placed into your life for the purpose you would like them to fulfill. And most of the time, there is something telling you that, signs you choose to ignore. What happens when you ignore traffic signs? YOU CAN CRASH AND BURN…depending on the sign. Don't ignore sign, for the love of Pete! Developments and flights of imperviousness to pain lead you to believe that a friendship can be carried to the next level without consequence. I have lost too many great, potentially long-term friends this way; that is my consequence.

 

God does all things for a reason; we just have to be attentive to our surroundings lest we miss the lesson. After losing a few people this way, I am determined to never make this mistake again. Good friends are so very hard to find; don't let your hormones push you out of each other's lives.

How Soon They Forget…

One of my biggest pet peeves is non-appreciation. You are owed nothing in this world. In reality, no one has to do anything for you, ever. So when someone uses their time, talents, abilities, love, and support to do something to bring positive energy to your life, you'd better count your blessings.

 

There are so many people in my past and present, which I've given abundantly of myself to, and it seems as if they never noticed or have forgotten. I don't do things for praise, but acknowledgement would suffice, to let me know that you appreciated what I've done for you.

 

Maybe it's because since I feel as if you shouldn't do things for people then throw it in their face, it secretly hurts. I say that to say more often than not, you will never realize what kind of sacrifices one makes to make things happen. Mental, physical, emotional, and monetary sacrifices may be used, but you'd never know because that is not the essence of giving. The addition of making someone aware of the hardships you went through to make it happen adds a negative slant to an otherwise beautiful thing.

 

My Lord never complained; He just took it to Calvary.

 

Once the giving ceases, then the only question is "why did you stop?" and a "how dare you!" attitude. Who died and made you king/queen? Just as quick as I giveth, I can taketh away. Lol. I can understand frustration, but to not acknowledge all this person has done for you…it just disgusts me to no end.

 

So I guess my gripes lead to the realization of:

a. Watch who you do for.

b. Make sure the favor is returned.

 

Friendship and love is a give and take situation. If you have someone who is constantly taking and not giving, throw a flag on that play and address the situation. If you don't nip the problem in the bud, you'll end up drained in the end becasue you hadn't been refilled after your giving. Or at least, give in moderation. Don't change the heart God gave you; just learn to regulate it.

 

I can't STAND a selfish Em Effer.

 

One ♥

Zestfully Clean!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

 

Ok, so it's January 1^st, 9:50am…I've been awake since December 31^st, 3:30pm…you do the math.

 

Don't ask me why I'm still awake. If I knew that answer, I'd be sleep.

 

BUT my insomnia did not completely go to waste! I wrote a poem in my delirium, using a muse that, well, shouldn't be my muse anymore…

….but whaddya gonna do?

 

I typically have to get a few poems about a person out of my system before I'm done with them. It's a cleansing process. Each one tells a story.

 

The first is usually the "Eff him" one…

 

The next is the "I miss him" one…

 

Then it's the "lesson(s) I learned from this" one… (might be a few of those)

 

Finally it's the "realization I don't want to come to about his positive attributes despite the B.S." one

 

That's the one I just wrote…and here's some more Rhythm…

 

~Potress

 

 

Something Like

 

He was something like Christmas Eve

anticipation

Those butterflies in your belly from waiting

Something like the first time you hear bells

singing "pop goes the weasel"

in the summer time

Something like the drive to Disney Word

and seeing the castle on the skyline

He was something like that old 90's cut

you ain't heard in a long time

He was something like

finding a $20 in your pants pocket

when you were down to your last dime

Something like when God is right there on time

He was something like White Castles at 4 in the morning

with no line

He was something like rainy day sunshine…

He was something like a random "I Love You" text

Like spooning and not caring that it's hot as hell

after fire sex

He was something like college refund checks

Something like finding exactly what you were looking for

on clearance

then finding out there's an extra 50% off on it

He was something like that "Can you feel the love tonight"

Lion King scene

Something like Raymond finally being with

Evangeline

Shyt, he was something like dope

is to a fiend

And something like when he finally becomes clean

He was something like my niece when she hugs and kisses me

And when she wants something, she calls me T.T.

He was something pure like a child's love

because they're too naïve to know that the world

is made of

He was something like new car and baby smell

Something like dying and finding out you're NOT going to hell

He was something like finally realizing your purpose

and that all your hardships were worth it

He was like finally seeing that church building fund go to use

and like church building up and going to youth

He was something like a sermon speaking directly to you

And something like a poem talking to you, too

But "was" is something like the past

so he's something like reminiscing

And the fact that he still makes me smile

is like him: nothing short of amazing

©Poetress 2010

 

One ♥

If you don’t know what you’re worth…

…then no one else will, either. Your girls are supposed to be the ones who build you up, amplify your positives while at the same time bringing you back down to earth when it seems as if you are floating away…

 

So why, on more than one occasion, has my 'girls' told me that my standards are too high?

 

Job. Respectful. Non-smoker. No kids. Off the streets/ non-thug. STEP BACK! I think I'm asking for WAAAAY too much!

 

How you present yourself to the world reflects on how you want to be viewed. Appearance has been one of the main vehicles used in rebellion: dreads, baggy clothes, peace symbols, etc. to symbolize "we are not with mainstream society". Problem with that is most people who are trying to not be of the norm, are NOW of the norm. So I'm looking for a rebellious one now. One who dresses like someone may hire him for something. Lol

 

Presentation being said, yes, sometimes I may judge based on appearance, but so does 50 million other people. This is not a new concept. I admit I am immediately turned off by a guy who's showing more ass than a stripper because his pants are so low. That's just my preference to not deal with someone who I perceive as 'ragged' because you don't care what you come out of the house looking like. That doesn't necessarily mean I shut him down, but more often than not his attitude and approach match the stigma attached to that style of dress: thug nigga. I present myself to the world neat, clean, smelling good, etc. Why does it seem that same concept is not expected in men? Why do we accept the opposite as the 'norm'? It's sad to me that women would rather just accept whatever falls off the table because they think there isn't any better, or rather, they can't do any better.

 

I refuse to be one of those women who are with somebody out of loneliness. That's a waste of everybody's time.

 

I do not want a thug, in any shape, form, or fashion. Why does that make me stuck up or judgmental because I know what I want and don't want? Granted, the guy that I may go for may not be shyt, either. I'm aware of the fact that you cannot judge a book by its cover. But life gives you tools to use for survival, and lessons to use to come to intelligent conclusions.

 

I have a plethora of examples of me going against my better judgment, and the horrid outcome of the situation being based on shyt I already knew.

 

I am not treating all guys the same, but you can't ignore a framework. You should approach all situations with caution; you can't expect someone else to always have your best interests at heart, because that's definitely not the case a lot of the time. You also can't go blindly into situations, giving too much trust to another human being. Because well, that's just dumb.

 

A happy medium must be found. I have prayed about my heart and am working on how to approach different romantic situations. God knows my heart, and has fashioned someone who fits me. Only He knows what's in store for me. He is building me to become a woman who knows and realizes her worth.

 

I am one who believes that you shouldn't have to sink back down to anyone's level, especially if you've worked your butt off to get to where you are. And if you happen to come across someone who just needs a boost, and they don't take it, then move on. Situations like that only hinder you from your greatness. Someone should meet you where you are, and you two should move forward together.

 

I know I am not perfect, so I don't expect him to be either. But I can't help what turns me off. If he doesn't like dark skinned chicks with dreads, well, that's his preference. I can't fault him. I'm sure he has his reasons, as I do mine. My standards aren't there with no backing; there is GOOD reason for each, and considering I'm the only one who has to deal with my relationships (or lack thereof), I don't feel the need to have to explain to anyone why I have the preferences that I do. Looking at the awesome examples of relationships around me, maybe the extra caution that I'm being condemned for may be beneficial to others…

 

So I end with this:

 

"It's not that we have different tastes in men; it's just that we have different standards."

 

One ♥

Love is Evol

You like that play on words, huh? No, I don't think love is evil, per say, but it IS a highly dangerous emotion…

 

People have maimed, murdered, and killed (themselves, other people, and the object of their affection)…so, WHY am I in a rush to get summa that??

 

Because I'm pretty confident that I'm not a freak of nature, and that I won't resort to such lengths to show my love…

 

…a back rub, dinner, or a poem will do.

 

There are psychological studies that prove that you never know what you'll do until you're in a particular situation…so, that being said, although I may think I'm pretty normal, I may just have a distant cousin named Lizzie Borden. I'm just saying. lol

 

There is definitely a fine line between love and infatuation, and insanity can shove that into obsession…

 

Damn, let me say that again!

 

"There is definitely a fine line between love and infatuation, and insanity can shove that into obsession…"

 

Ok, so I had to quote myself twice. This is the reason why you have to be delicate when dealing with someone's feelings; treat them like fragile pieces of ancient art. If you are careless, then it can turn into that second sentence up there…

 

Or, even further, be careful who you entertain. More often than not there are red flags being thrown on the play, and going ignored. Thoughts of changing a person or hoping they're going through a "phase" cross the minds of the hopeful, but I am reminded of a famous quote by Dr. Maya Angelou:

 

"When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM."

 

Truer words have never been spoken. I don't mean to scare anyone from the thought of love. I'm sure love can be the most wonderful feeling in the world; as a matter of fact, if people loved more, this world would be a better place. Seriously. I'm just saying LOVE RESPONSIBLY. People do NOT come with pause buttons, switches, battery packs, artificial intelligence, or rewinds. What you say/do is permanence. You may be forgiven, but your actions are never forgotten. Don't be somebody's strait jacket or stray tear.

 

People are not puppets, so don't play with them; cut the strings and move on. I cannot stress this enough.

 

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"…The Golden Rule never fails.

 

One ♥

 

 

 

Waiting is for Rooms…

Someone made a comment on Facebook about a celebrity that had just passed. She said, "You never really realize how much someone has done until they're gone."

 

Why is it that we greatly acknowledge the dead, and don't tell them while they're living?

 

"Don't wait until I'm dead to bring me flowers."<<heard someone say that once, too.

 

People need to know this day and age how they positively impact(ed) your life, and the lives of those around you. The devil is running rampant with negativity floating through the air, and we're doing nothing but floating listlessly in it.

 

Tell that person you appreciate them. Tell that person that you are blessed to have them in your life. TELL THAT PERSON THAT YOU LOVE THEM.

 

Don't wait until their eulogy.

 

Peace and Blessings.

 

One ♥