NEVER ASSUME

NEVER ASSUME. You never know what anyone is going through, no matter how much they tell you. They could paint you a portrait, or write the most revealing words, but only the painter, speaker, and God know what's truly in their hearts. All you can do is what God tells you to do for that person; that can be time spent, an ear lent, a hug given, or just God's love.

So often we go through life, looking down on individuals for what they do, what they USED to do, what have or don't have, what they wear…but these superficial representations are given to real people, who breathe the same air as you, and have red blood running through their veins, too. Who are we to judge others? Granted, we may not associate ourselves with their activities (murderers, rapists, drug dealers, etc.), but just like I heard a poet say this weekend, "People only remember the endings, without even considering the beginnings."

So, the next time you decide to make fun of someone, or call someone a loser, remember that what people show is not always what is. I'm not saying be naïve, I'm just saying…DON'T ASSUME. Some people hide their true selves, afraid of the judgment and ridicule they may receive, which people tend to give out freely anyway w/o much prompt. What an egotistical species we are!

Historically, non-Whites were judged...and you know how THOSE stories go.

Or, let me put this into perspective: say you are struggling with a sin that you legitimately want to change about yourself. Although your actions display the sin, your heart is trying to fight its way through to turn your life around. The saying is "God knows your heart", which means, He knows your true intentions, and once you let Him in, He'll help you change it, right? But what if God DIDN'T know your heart, yet judged you simply based on your actions…you'd be in a pickle wouldn't you?

 

That's why only God can judge, because NONE of us have the power to see what He sees.

 

I'm, too, working on this. "When someone shows you they are believe them", true enough, but it's much more healthy to send prayers for that person out into the universe rather than negativity; only one helps. The words says, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone".…let me see those rocks flying!

The last time I checked, the only perfect person was crucified. Never forget that.

Should I Go There?

They say (and examples have proven) that sex ruins friendships.

 

But what if I want the friendship ruined? Isn't it then exactly how I wanted it to be?

 

Isn't it perfect and NOT ruined (at least from my point of view)? Let me explain…

 

Words between us connected like electric charges

He finished my circuit that had been darkened

Watts aren't a strong enough measurement

so I called him my sun spot

And it was at that speed of light that

explosions were caused

The scenery between I and he consisted of

static electricity

and I was shocked when he pulled my plug

and dimmed our lights that are now likened to

a 40 watt bulb

Our steady glow has provided just enough light for show

but steadily, my eyes strain…I can no longer see why am here

especially when he's taking filament from me

to light someone else's way

which wouldn't be so bad…if he didn't share with me his exposures

from his dark room

He's painting pretty pictures for me in his cursed form of photography

and the shyt just make me negative

So before this tiny light goes completely out

I wanna use its heat to light my fire

to ignite in me the same thing I felt

when his sun rays first shone on me

I am not content

and am tired of acting as if I am

Is it so wrong to want to burn out this bulb

before I toss the lamp?

 

#juskeepinitreal

Her Mistakes

Self-Serving Bias:
A belief that a person will behave in a certain way, so you treat them as if they WILL act that way. This, in turn, makes them behave in the manner that you predicted…so you say, "Aha! I KNEW it!"

 

I am SO tired of getting the short end of the stick! I can't tell you how many guys I've come across that are cynical and jaded because they've opened up their hearts to women in the PAST (key word), and the women have turned around and broken their hearts. So, here I am, a woman who is genuine, who has nothing but my significant other's best interests at heart, and I'm looked upon as "just like all them other bitches". I know: it's hard to come across a person who is genuinely nice, and ACTUALLY means the things that they say. But I am one of those people. There are no amount of words that I can say to make a guy believe that I am not out to hurt them or whatever they think that my motive is…all I can do is ask for a chance.

I'm not speaking from the outside completely; I've been there, too. I've kept one eye open when dealing with new guys, assuming that they all want the same thing(s) from me, and that I will be hurt. Although I HAVE come across a lot of guys who fit that description, I've learned not to treat each new guy as such. Each person is their own individual, and they don't all have the same motives. Indeed, don't put your heart completely on the line with EVERY person you meet, but give them a chance: a chance to prove themselves to be a person you can see yourself with, OR a chance to fuck up. Don't jump the gun.

 

I put that definition at the top for a reason. This is a term I learned in my Social Psychology class. I'll give you all a second to read it again….ok?

Got it??

LOL…anyway, this can apply to different parts of life, but for the sake of this note, I'm talking about relationships. What that's basically saying is that some people behave this way, sort of a defense mechanism, towards newcomers in their life…kind of cut them off at the pass, so that their heart won't get broken. They behave in such a way to drive the other person away, maybe by being accusatory, rude, or just mean, and the OTHER person reciprocates these actions and attitudes. This way, it's easier to leave the person alone, assuming that eventually it would have self-destructed anyway…I've seen this personally, too. This routine get so old, that it makes me want to NOT even try sometimes, but I know eventually someone will see me for who I REALLY am, not as someone they're EXPECTING me to be.

 

I've had this on my mind for a while, and I know it's unprecedented for Poetress to NOT write a poem, but I decided to step outside of that box this time to say in plain English how I felt about this matter. I know there are many of you who feel the same way. I AM a good person…I have my faults, but that's the price one pays for being human. But, in general, I have a lot of love in me, God's love, to give. I guess He knows that, and is aiding me in choosing wisely. Not many of us have the privilege of being hand-picked like I know I am…so I supposed He wants to hand-pick the one for me…I know you can't appreciate sunny days without some downpours, but it's time for some people to realize that and start praying for a bright forecast! I will be doing just that. I've done my job if I've spoken for someone's heart …

You never know what you have until it's gone, and by the time you realize, it may be too late…

 

One ♥

Feelings are Retarded Bastards

Do I REALLY need to elaborate on this? The title says it all…

 

Fine.

 

People who don't deserve your fleeting thoughts, your random smiles, your night time subconscious…seem to always creep into your cerebellum…

 

And you know it's bad when you'd never admit it to anyone. Hell, it's hard enough that you know it.

 

You say to yourself, "Self, why do I keep thinking of him/her?"

 

And of course, yourself never has any solutions. You think of advice you'd give someone else, and it's obsolete. You begin to understand why others frustrate you so much when they don't give into reason:

It's because love is without reason.

This person has done this, that, and the other…probably has no remorse…probably doesn't think about you…yet…

You heart can't seem to let go. When they were a part of your life, their actions affected you. Now that they're not, guess what? Their actions (or lack thereof) STILL affect you. Can't win for losing, huh?

 

When someone enters your world, they leave impressions on your heart. They stain it, kind of like the stained glass on churches. Beautiful stains that can sometimes be cracked and broken by the same person…but you can still see the remnants, and remember the beauty that once was, and picture it being put back together.

 

Some breaks are worse than others, though; unfixable. You recognize those, hopefully, and know that window should be replaced, not fixed.

 

Tug-o War is what it turns into. Your love side and your let go side are at odds, and both have really good arguments…and it's up to your realistic side to make the decision.

 

But alas, it's your hopeful side that keeps the fight going…and I don't even believe in hope; it leaves too much room for disappointment.

 

So it's about faith. Faith in the fact that whatever decision is made will lead to something worthwhile and beneficial to growth. Both good and bad lessons help to achieve this goal; but the ultimate goal is to make a decision that is conducive to your life.

 

But sometimes you step out on reason and take a chance. It's then that you ask yourself, "Self, is it worth it?"

 

You see how convoluted and circular this all is, with no real answers? That is why I said:

 

Feelings are retarded bastards.

 

But…they're your retarded bastards. Love and protect them.

 

One ♥

What If…?

It's been a while since I've blogged, but I've been compelled.

 

It seems the past keeps creeping its way back into the present; feelings I thought were gone are resurfacing. These aren't romantic feelings, but dang-I-thought-I-was-over-that feelings and if-I could-turn-back-time-would-I ? feelings.

 

It's making me look back on the past and reevaluate my actions and words, and try to weigh my fault in my failed relationships. By that, I mean it's making me consider two aspects:

1. What could I have done to make the situation better?

2. Even if I did that, would it have been the best choice?

 

As I write, I realize that reminiscing on things that once was is making me wish that what was is now: strong, steadfast relationships, full of laughter and intimacy. There are friends that I wish was still a vital part of my life, who I wish that we can get a fraction back of the way we were.

 

This also makes me consider the way I can sometimes blow up about things and take them out of proportion. At the time, I feel justified. I have gotten a lot better about that, too; you should not do things out of anger, or the over abundance of any emotion for that matter. Your perception is distorted and may cause you to do things that you normally would not do had you been of sound mind.

 

I can't forget that I was not the only perpetrator. My role in the failures was not one-sided, but it makes one wonder if both parties cared enough, could obstacles have been overcome? In the end, it seems I was the only one who cared; I tried hard to fix things, but to no avail. I couldn't have been the only one in my relationships because if that were the case, WOULD it have been worth it?

 

I hate questions and thought rewinds.

 

My heart seems to think that if I love something, then it should be close to me. I then question why it is not…

 

…I then realize that you have no control over anyone but yourself. You can't make people love you. You can't make people want to be in your life. You can't make yourself matter to other people, no matter if you pull ALL the stops.

 

That's what makes me question myself, if it's me. Is there some arresting factor about me that drives people away? There is room for improvement in everyone, but is mine so dire that it deems my presence uninhabitable for long periods of time?

 

Everything happens for a reason, but it's never a linear path. If it were, this road would not seem to be heading back in the opposite direction, questioning my present based on a past that should be forgotten.

 

Love is another indicator of life's path not being linear; I have love for SO many people from the past who probably don't even think about me anymore. And for my love to still be so prevalent, it makes me think, and sit down a write things like this….wondering…

 

What If…?

 

I still love you; always will.

 

One ♥

Why Do Women Hate on Other Women?

Here's another answer of mine from a question posed in the same book: Why We Should Love Black Women by Hasani Pettiford:

 

I speak from personal experience as a victim and a perpetrator, and in general.

Women hate on other women because of their own insecurities. Pure an simple.

Women see what other women have, which is oftentimes synonymous with what the hater DOESN'T have, and they covet it: men, money, materials, brains, body, confidence, peace, etc...

They try to figure out why they can't reach the same level: Maybe I'm not cute enough, skilled enough, too broke, dumb, fat, got too much negativity going on...

And to keep all of the blame from being on themselves (and because it's MUCH easier to blame your woes on others rather than take personal responsibility), you think of ulterior motives as to why she REALLY has all those things...:

She must be a hoe, she must be screwing her way to the top, she must have men giving her things/ rich parents, she must have gotten plastic surgery, she think she's all that...

In placing those negative attributes on the other women, it makes us feel better about our condition, because it says to us that we COULD attain those things if we wanted to, and that those women are no better than us. It's not about who's better or worse; it's about who wants it more. Even those who have gotten certain perks in their lives through means other than honest gain have a chance of losing it all because of the maintenance behind it, skills they haven't learned due to things being handed. It all depends on what's left when the surface is stripped; that's what will carry on.

Instead of congratulating those women who are on the up and up (because let's be honest, there are some women who aren't far from the negatives) we put them down and underestimate them because we aren't where they are. It's been a long time since I've had this mind set, and I now give credit where it's due, because it's hard enough as it is to make it out here, and we don't need negative energy from those who are supposed to understand and love us. I also try to uplift those who feel as if they can't be more than what they are. It all starts within the person.

Does Hip-Hop Hate Black Women?

So, I was going through some old FB messages, and came across my response to this question…I was asked this to assist in a compilation of answered featuring this, and many other topics of interest in relation to Hasani Pettiford's Why We Should Love Black Women. I said:

 

Well, let me first say that Hip-Hop is more than music; it's a way of life. And I think that there should be technicalities when using the term, because the foolishness that is popular these days is not Hip-Hop; it's rap. Most rap lacks substance, and only presents what is popular: money, cars, clothes, sex, drugs, and violence, all behind a beat. That is not music. They have become slaves to the industry and are no longer doing what they love; they're doing what sells. The sad thing is, only a small percent of the population, in my opinion, would appreciate a true MC if he came out on a purely intellectual tip. Even some of the more intellectual people deviate a bit, but because they are mostly geared towards what's not popular, they are underrated. Everybody else would rather Swag Surf.

Anyhoo, my sistahs in videos...it is truly a sad thing. It's no secret that Black women are portrayed as sex symbols who bounce their asses to the very lyrics that make them less than the queens that they are. They too are selling their souls, based on their assets. In a sense, maybe I'm selfish to say, "Well, they ain't talking about me." Just because we share the same shade doesn't mean they represent me. I'm more concerned about our children, the sponges who soak up this nonsense, and who are inevitably our future. Little boys who think it's ok to grab booty (and whatever else), and little girls who wear shorts up to God knows where, all because the songs and videos lead them to believe that this is the norm, that this is the only way to attract the opposite sex. This is where good parenting is critical, to teach our children the difference between fantasy and reality, that there are more options to life than what they see on television, that these people have real people problems behind the scenes, that not all that glitters is gold, and that just because it looks good doesn't mean it's good for you. I really wish that our little girls had better people to see on TV, but this is not what sells, so I leave with this: leave that representation to people who it represents. To those of us who DO care, turn off the TV.

 

One ♥