It’s All Coming to an End…College Reflection

As I approach graduation, like any other major milestones in life, you are forced to look back on all that you have done. The realization that I am not completely satisfied with my college experience came about by listening to others talk about theirs, beaming proudly at all they've done and their many aspirations.

 

Because of the situation I was in I was not able to fully engage in the college experience for my 1^st four years there; I lived on my own and was working an extremely draining and demanding job that sucked up most of my time. That was four years of bonding, friending, travelling, networking, and enrichment that I lost. I look at other's friendships that have been formed through those concentrated interactions on campus, and the evident camaraderie, and it makes me a bit sad that I am on the outskirts of those groups.

 

I know that I am blessed to have even been able to have gone to college; I do not regret the people that I have met, the experiences that I have had, and what I have done. I just wish I could have experienced a little bit more…if just one year more.

 

Perhaps I can use this as motivation to provide a better life for my future children, so they won't have to be thrust into adulthood so soon. I want them to have more culturally enriching lives, less stress due to an unstable environment, and be motivated to do well because they will have parents who don't just expect that of them; they will be examples of that greatness. I don't want them to have to work so hard to survive and miss out on what life has to offer. I don't want their youthfulness to be drained because of bills, stress, what ifs, and if onlys. I want to create in them that balance between responsibility and fun.

 

I want to give them the childhood-young adulthood I didn't get to fully have.

 

 

I guess I better get started, huh…?

 

One ♥

The Camera is Rolling…

Play. As I was driving the other day, there was a car in front of me who threw on its signal for a right turn.  I had the thought in my head, "Turn signals can breed stalkers, because people know how to follow you."  As I laughed to myself at my weird observation, I took notice of where he was turning—into a strip club parking lot.  Now, I consider myself desensitized to lots of forms of alternate and deviant lifestyles, and strip clubs fall into that category.  Heck, I've BEEN to a couple of them before.  But it was something about this moment in time that made the world slow down around me, and really take in my surroundings.  Not the inside of my car, or even the street I was on.  I'm talking about the world.

 
 

Rewind.  I was on my way home from my Inequality and Society class, where we watched a documentary called "Inside Job", based on Wall Street and the subsequent launch into this horrible recession based on the heartless and greedy actions of the people who operate there.  The conclusion was that as long as their money is safe and they'll be ok, they are willing to crush the average person in order to gain and maintain, resulting in the worst stock market crash since the Great Depression.

 
 

Rewind.  I rarely watch the news, but when I do, it's ridden with murder, war, rape, trafficking, arson,  and crimes against children and the elderly, and all that falls in the middle.  Our schools' funding is being cut, schools are being closed, and children who aren't given enough incentive or encouragement to be better despite these circumstances are recycled into top of the news segments.  Meanwhile, while our children are been thrown under a bus along with their futures because of meager beginnings, football players, politicians, and white collar crooks are making millions of dollars.  Where's the logic in that?

 
 

Pause. We live in a world where the word "gain" is used in so many contexts except the right one.  It should be about the love of our children, fellow man, and the better of society as a WHOLE, not just the top 1% who are worth more than the entire bottom 90%.  Yet, the aged old root of all evil and self-gratification are what's running the world, are a part of people's motivations to move forward and exist, despite the rampant joblessness, homelessness, and severe crime happening in the 'land of the free and home of the brave' where 'all men are created equal' and are given the right to 'life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness'.  Those aren't MY words.

 
 

Play. As I watched this person pull into the strip club parking lot, where some poor girl feels the need to take off her clothes because she feels her physical attribute are worth a few one's, I got immensely sad.  We live in the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah, and people can't tie that with all the 'natural disasters' happening around us. Devastating earthquakes, birds falling from the sky, fish washing up on shores.  This world is worse than the world before it, so we will not be afforded a quick destruction, but a slow and painful one.  Are we past redemption?  I am working hard to not be turned into a pillar of salt.

 
 

Fast Forward: When you are given the opportunity to look back on it all, will you want someone watching your movie?  I don't know about you, but I don't like movies that end on a sour note.  Make people root for you; root for other people.  You can't heal the whole world, but you can be a stitch that is trying to mend your own surroundings.  Make your time on earth count: this is NOT a rehearsal!  We are LIVE. Live like it.  You can't go back and make edits, but you can make changes to the script.  You still have time, so…..

 
 

 
 

 
 

Pause.

German Theory

There's this old German psychological theory that applies to so many things in life: career, friends, family…and love.

 

Gestalt: The WHOLE is greater than the SUM OF IT'S PARTS.

 

This means the individual aspects of something aren't comparable to the entire entity.

 

So, sometimes a person's flaws isn't comparable to who they are as a person.

 

The man who figures this out will be the one who accepts me, flaws and all; he'll realize that I am not a mythological creature (so he'll know not to expect one) and will see the God in me and realize that I and His relationship includes helping me to minimize those things that the last guy may see as an arresting factor. Notice that I said 'minimize' and not 'eliminate', because although those parts aren't greater than me they DO make me who I am, so it will be next to impossible to COMPLETELY change those things. I am who I am because of my flaws. You all are, too.

There ARE some things that are detrimental to your spirit and all that you encounter; those you must also give to God. But character flaws (that we all have) must be accounted for and weighed by your potential partner. It is that one whom in the back of their minds knows Gestalt's theory (without ever having a psych class :) who will see you for the wonder that you are.

 

As for those who chose to have your individual parts outweigh your being, thank them. Thank them for making way for the person who is actually supposed to be with and appreciate you. Thank them for also helping you realize those flaws (but beware of people who project their own flaws onto you; it may be them and not you) so that you can acknowledge them. Don't pity them for not giving you a chance despite those things; there's someone out there who will!

 

I am in no way condoning complacency with less than desirable conditions; if you are in a situation that is not changing due to your laziness, lack of drive, or bitterness towards all mankind…no, NO one has to deal with you. And you should not feel that they have to. It's not fair to you, first of all, to continue living a life that is not to its full potential. Secondly, it's not fair to throw up your hands and say "Well, this is me", and wonder why you're alone…you know the difference, so don't act as if you are unaware.

 

I realize my flaws, and God and I are working on them. The man who sees that and accepts that will know that I am not perfect, but I'm perfect FOR HIM.

 

One ♥

 

The Three Things That Will Get You Through Life

It's been such a long time since I've blogged! I guess the volume of the semester weighed upon me, and it slipped my mind. That is not to say that I didn't have all kinds of crazy thoughts running through my head, though….au contraireJ Now that the semester is over, and I am forced to think about the real world (seeing as next semester is my last:) It is causing me to bring all of my thoughts, knowledge, and wisdom to the table. How am I to survive in this world? There is a simple solution at the base of it all…

 

Today's Big Topic is: Possibilities

 

People live for them and at the same time live despite them, while others see them as a myth.

 

Did you know that Faith, Possibility, and Patience have an on-going love affair? One cannot exist successfully without the other. Not just that, but you can't fully appreciate one without the other. Think about it: they are in existence based on what you feel inside, not something you can see. Even more simply, you have to have faith to see something as a possibility, and have patience until that possibility happens. And if your possibility comes into fruition, then you cannot hold onto the outcome without faith and the patience it takes for it to all grow.

 

This is a philosophy that I am 90% able to live by. Patience is something that still is yet to be one of my virtues, but I am human and wonderfully flawed; I'm working on it, though. And as a human, I still suffer with doubt and negative self-talk, as if something I want won't be, due to human error. "I think, therefore I am" always pops into my head as one of those classic truths, and along with faith and patience, it can make all of my dreams POSSIBILITIES.

 

So far as I know, I am destined to bring about change to my surroundings, in the hearts of children and the adults who have lost their faith in them. That sounds awfully confident, right? Well, confidence is important in this life game: when you're sure, then all other things will be easier to see. With that in mind, I know that all other positive thoughts must follow; I can't reach someone else without having the disposition that exemplifies what I am trying to convey.

 

Teach by example, in short. And, oh yeah, be non hypocritical…but I digress.

 

We simply MUST keep faith. If not in something specific (like that dream job you want), then in the fact that God has a perfect design, and no matter how much it seems that our worlds are crumbling around us, those pieces will just fall to make a beautiful mosaic…and be better than what it started.

 

I don't really know if anyone reads my blog, but I have faith that whoever reads these words, this was indeed for them. Keep your head up, love; change is coming.

 

One ♥

 

~Robin

Empty, Unkempt Promises

Empty, Un-kept Promises

 

My life has been chock full of men who have done nothing but make empty promises (father, brother, cousin, friend, lover)…but my Great grandmother always taught me that a promise was a comfort to a fool. So, I guess I'm a fool…

AM I a fool, though? I'm a woman of my word; if I say I'm going to do something for you, come hell or high water, I'm going to do it. I also believe a person is only as good as their word…so if one keeps saying things that they DON'T do, then what does that say about the person?

 

Granted, circumstances may arise that prevent a promise from being kept: monetary issues, life issues, personal issues, etc…but my question is, when do you STOP giving the "benefit of the doubt", and start holding someone accountable for their actions?

 

I am very understanding, and simple to please. I understand "shit" happens…it happens to me, too. But why do people think that things that go unsaid, just disappear? There will always be that pink elephant in the room if things aren't addressed, and as my irritation and anger grows, so will the damn elephant. And the bigger it gets, the less room there is in the room…and someone has to leave. I can tell you with confidence that it WON'T be me.

 

Situations such as these make you question yourself. Am I worth not keeping promises to? While I'm sitting here performing the Golden Rule, is that all they're using me for? I am a giving person, especially to the ones I feel deserve it, but when that person has all these grandiose ideas that they're going to return the favor, and it doesn't happen…does that mean I'm unappreciated?

God placed in me this enormously giving heart, but I guess I've yet to learn when to pull on the reigns of it, to know when to slow down, to know when to stop before I get hurt.

 

But I think it's a sad time when you can't count on the word of the ones you love…after that, what's there to hold on to, hope? Hope is for suckers in fairytales…

NEVER ASSUME

NEVER ASSUME. You never know what anyone is going through, no matter how much they tell you. They could paint you a portrait, or write the most revealing words, but only the painter, speaker, and God know what's truly in their hearts. All you can do is what God tells you to do for that person; that can be time spent, an ear lent, a hug given, or just God's love.

So often we go through life, looking down on individuals for what they do, what they USED to do, what have or don't have, what they wear…but these superficial representations are given to real people, who breathe the same air as you, and have red blood running through their veins, too. Who are we to judge others? Granted, we may not associate ourselves with their activities (murderers, rapists, drug dealers, etc.), but just like I heard a poet say this weekend, "People only remember the endings, without even considering the beginnings."

So, the next time you decide to make fun of someone, or call someone a loser, remember that what people show is not always what is. I'm not saying be naïve, I'm just saying…DON'T ASSUME. Some people hide their true selves, afraid of the judgment and ridicule they may receive, which people tend to give out freely anyway w/o much prompt. What an egotistical species we are!

Historically, non-Whites were judged...and you know how THOSE stories go.

Or, let me put this into perspective: say you are struggling with a sin that you legitimately want to change about yourself. Although your actions display the sin, your heart is trying to fight its way through to turn your life around. The saying is "God knows your heart", which means, He knows your true intentions, and once you let Him in, He'll help you change it, right? But what if God DIDN'T know your heart, yet judged you simply based on your actions…you'd be in a pickle wouldn't you?

 

That's why only God can judge, because NONE of us have the power to see what He sees.

 

I'm, too, working on this. "When someone shows you they are believe them", true enough, but it's much more healthy to send prayers for that person out into the universe rather than negativity; only one helps. The words says, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone".…let me see those rocks flying!

The last time I checked, the only perfect person was crucified. Never forget that.

Should I Go There?

They say (and examples have proven) that sex ruins friendships.

 

But what if I want the friendship ruined? Isn't it then exactly how I wanted it to be?

 

Isn't it perfect and NOT ruined (at least from my point of view)? Let me explain…

 

Words between us connected like electric charges

He finished my circuit that had been darkened

Watts aren't a strong enough measurement

so I called him my sun spot

And it was at that speed of light that

explosions were caused

The scenery between I and he consisted of

static electricity

and I was shocked when he pulled my plug

and dimmed our lights that are now likened to

a 40 watt bulb

Our steady glow has provided just enough light for show

but steadily, my eyes strain…I can no longer see why am here

especially when he's taking filament from me

to light someone else's way

which wouldn't be so bad…if he didn't share with me his exposures

from his dark room

He's painting pretty pictures for me in his cursed form of photography

and the shyt just make me negative

So before this tiny light goes completely out

I wanna use its heat to light my fire

to ignite in me the same thing I felt

when his sun rays first shone on me

I am not content

and am tired of acting as if I am

Is it so wrong to want to burn out this bulb

before I toss the lamp?

 

#juskeepinitreal