Friends Forever

It's easy to make friends as a child. Friendship was based on vicinity: who lived on your block, who went to your school, and who was in your family. If you should so happen to grow up with that person, then secrets are shared, with some maybe involving them. Since adolescence is full of firsts, you experience those together, too. In short, to grow with those people meant sharing parts of you as time went along. They were there with you as things happened, so there was no need to go back and tell most things; they already knew because they existed in that time frame. And if they still stuck around, then you know they accepted you and all of your eccentricities.

 

I think that's precisely the reason it's hard to make friends at an older age. People are reluctant to letting others into their hearts (for whatever personal reason). I am a selfish friend in the sense that I want all of you, no hidden agendas, no secrets. I am also a foolish friend in the sense that I believe people should be as open as I am. Any type of relationship require trust to function, and in my mind if someone isn't being 100, or just giving me a half story, they don't trust me, therefore we are not real friends; just really cool acquaintances. I yearn for authenticity, for types of friendships that are built and cherished. These days, though, it seems as if I'm the only one making efforts to build in all my relationships, and that hurts me. I initiate calls, texts, and quality time. My life is pretty hectic, too, but like I always say: people make time for what they want to make time for.

 

I'm always falling victim to loving others more than they love me, on all fronts…and this must stop.

 

I don't like to second guess myself and my worth. And yes, God does love me and accepts me for who I am, flaws and all. But I need earthly companionship. Humans are a social animals, and I am no different. I just would like someone to see me as worth the effort of getting to know and making time for. To go through life and not feel important to anyone is rough; to not feel genuinely loved is even rougher.

 

I love the people that I love, and try to show them every chance that I get. I can't remember the last time one of my people performed a random act of kindness on my behalf. If just doesn't occur to them. I guess what I'm saying is that there's a simple way to love me: action. And if that need isn't being met, then it speaks volumes of the people in question, and my place in their lives. But if the current people are lacking in that department and new people are giving me the cold shoulder then….where does that leave me to turn in this world?

 

One ♥

 

Old Fashioned Gal

I am the oldest 24 year old you will ever meet. I like old music, don't understand what's wrong with "young people" these days, and I want an old fashioned relationship…

 

Boy meets girl, boy woos girl, girl falls for boy, boy and girl fall in love…fast forward…they get married and have children.

 

But these days it's more like: Boy meets girl, boy want to come over girl's house within 12 hours…

 

Are you aware of the diseases going around these days? And I know all I wore today was a t-shirt and jeans, but I wasn't aware that that was the new street walker attire because that's OBVIOUSLY what you think I am.

 

Boy lies to girl to get in her panties…

 

That is SO old. Are you so insignificant, lonely, desperate, or gameless that you have to lie to get some? GROW UP.

 

Boy will be RIGHT over after he goes over other girl's house to pick up his 6 kids.

 

These are just a few examples. What happened to simplicity? I feel as if a quality guy with no children is like asking to see a unicorn. Especially by the time I'm to that point of wanting to settle down (which I'm not far from. I'm in my mid-twenties!). My thought process is that if you are with a guy with children, you will ALWAYS be second to the life that he's built before meeting you. I'm not kosher with that. I'm holding out on children because I want to wait for marriage and having children singly is NOT what's hott for me right now.

 

"But Robin, the guy who has all of the qualities you want in a man might just so happen to have children." I'm aware of that, but can't a sistah dream…?

 

One ♥

More than friends

My little sister laughs when I tell her my definition of crazy: a person who keeps doing the same shyt over and over again, thinking they're going to get different results. It has so much truth value because a person with sense would learn from their mistake and try a different approach in order to make something come out the way they envisioned, OR quit doing the same shyt that inevitably fails. That being said, I will admit that I am crazy.

 

Why do I keep taking that extra step with friends, and end up losing them?

 

Friends and sex do not mix. No matter how well you think you have the situation handled, unless you two plan on being together, someone will be hurt.

 

Someone's feelings bubble over, with the affections not returned. One sided situations are really painful. So you're left with two choices: keep hurting or remove yourself, while quite possibly hurting the other party. You can't win for losing. How the circumstances play out depend solely on each situation, but be assured that the majority of the time it won't be pretty.

 

I can only count two people who I am still very cool with, with whom I've been through this situation. That's not to say that there was never any conflict. Au contraire, we've fallen out, argued, and "broken up" on several occasions. It just got too hard. But somehow, some way, we always ended up back in each other's lives. One I'm just cool with, the other I love dearly. As screwed up as he may be, that's my boy; we'll always have each other's back.

 

This ending is not typical, though…not by a long shot. Even if two people come back from the awkwardness, it won't be the same as before. People are not always placed into your life for the purpose you would like them to fulfill. And most of the time, there is something telling you that, signs you choose to ignore. What happens when you ignore traffic signs? YOU CAN CRASH AND BURN…depending on the sign. Don't ignore sign, for the love of Pete! Developments and flights of imperviousness to pain lead you to believe that a friendship can be carried to the next level without consequence. I have lost too many great, potentially long-term friends this way; that is my consequence.

 

God does all things for a reason; we just have to be attentive to our surroundings lest we miss the lesson. After losing a few people this way, I am determined to never make this mistake again. Good friends are so very hard to find; don't let your hormones push you out of each other's lives.

How Soon They Forget…

One of my biggest pet peeves is non-appreciation. You are owed nothing in this world. In reality, no one has to do anything for you, ever. So when someone uses their time, talents, abilities, love, and support to do something to bring positive energy to your life, you'd better count your blessings.

 

There are so many people in my past and present, which I've given abundantly of myself to, and it seems as if they never noticed or have forgotten. I don't do things for praise, but acknowledgement would suffice, to let me know that you appreciated what I've done for you.

 

Maybe it's because since I feel as if you shouldn't do things for people then throw it in their face, it secretly hurts. I say that to say more often than not, you will never realize what kind of sacrifices one makes to make things happen. Mental, physical, emotional, and monetary sacrifices may be used, but you'd never know because that is not the essence of giving. The addition of making someone aware of the hardships you went through to make it happen adds a negative slant to an otherwise beautiful thing.

 

My Lord never complained; He just took it to Calvary.

 

Once the giving ceases, then the only question is "why did you stop?" and a "how dare you!" attitude. Who died and made you king/queen? Just as quick as I giveth, I can taketh away. Lol. I can understand frustration, but to not acknowledge all this person has done for you…it just disgusts me to no end.

 

So I guess my gripes lead to the realization of:

a. Watch who you do for.

b. Make sure the favor is returned.

 

Friendship and love is a give and take situation. If you have someone who is constantly taking and not giving, throw a flag on that play and address the situation. If you don't nip the problem in the bud, you'll end up drained in the end becasue you hadn't been refilled after your giving. Or at least, give in moderation. Don't change the heart God gave you; just learn to regulate it.

 

I can't STAND a selfish Em Effer.

 

One ♥

Zestfully Clean!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

 

Ok, so it's January 1^st, 9:50am…I've been awake since December 31^st, 3:30pm…you do the math.

 

Don't ask me why I'm still awake. If I knew that answer, I'd be sleep.

 

BUT my insomnia did not completely go to waste! I wrote a poem in my delirium, using a muse that, well, shouldn't be my muse anymore…

….but whaddya gonna do?

 

I typically have to get a few poems about a person out of my system before I'm done with them. It's a cleansing process. Each one tells a story.

 

The first is usually the "Eff him" one…

 

The next is the "I miss him" one…

 

Then it's the "lesson(s) I learned from this" one… (might be a few of those)

 

Finally it's the "realization I don't want to come to about his positive attributes despite the B.S." one

 

That's the one I just wrote…and here's some more Rhythm…

 

~Potress

 

 

Something Like

 

He was something like Christmas Eve

anticipation

Those butterflies in your belly from waiting

Something like the first time you hear bells

singing "pop goes the weasel"

in the summer time

Something like the drive to Disney Word

and seeing the castle on the skyline

He was something like that old 90's cut

you ain't heard in a long time

He was something like

finding a $20 in your pants pocket

when you were down to your last dime

Something like when God is right there on time

He was something like White Castles at 4 in the morning

with no line

He was something like rainy day sunshine…

He was something like a random "I Love You" text

Like spooning and not caring that it's hot as hell

after fire sex

He was something like college refund checks

Something like finding exactly what you were looking for

on clearance

then finding out there's an extra 50% off on it

He was something like that "Can you feel the love tonight"

Lion King scene

Something like Raymond finally being with

Evangeline

Shyt, he was something like dope

is to a fiend

And something like when he finally becomes clean

He was something like my niece when she hugs and kisses me

And when she wants something, she calls me T.T.

He was something pure like a child's love

because they're too naïve to know that the world

is made of

He was something like new car and baby smell

Something like dying and finding out you're NOT going to hell

He was something like finally realizing your purpose

and that all your hardships were worth it

He was like finally seeing that church building fund go to use

and like church building up and going to youth

He was something like a sermon speaking directly to you

And something like a poem talking to you, too

But "was" is something like the past

so he's something like reminiscing

And the fact that he still makes me smile

is like him: nothing short of amazing

©Poetress 2010

 

One ♥