If you don’t know what you’re worth…

…then no one else will, either. Your girls are supposed to be the ones who build you up, amplify your positives while at the same time bringing you back down to earth when it seems as if you are floating away…

 

So why, on more than one occasion, has my 'girls' told me that my standards are too high?

 

Job. Respectful. Non-smoker. No kids. Off the streets/ non-thug. STEP BACK! I think I'm asking for WAAAAY too much!

 

How you present yourself to the world reflects on how you want to be viewed. Appearance has been one of the main vehicles used in rebellion: dreads, baggy clothes, peace symbols, etc. to symbolize "we are not with mainstream society". Problem with that is most people who are trying to not be of the norm, are NOW of the norm. So I'm looking for a rebellious one now. One who dresses like someone may hire him for something. Lol

 

Presentation being said, yes, sometimes I may judge based on appearance, but so does 50 million other people. This is not a new concept. I admit I am immediately turned off by a guy who's showing more ass than a stripper because his pants are so low. That's just my preference to not deal with someone who I perceive as 'ragged' because you don't care what you come out of the house looking like. That doesn't necessarily mean I shut him down, but more often than not his attitude and approach match the stigma attached to that style of dress: thug nigga. I present myself to the world neat, clean, smelling good, etc. Why does it seem that same concept is not expected in men? Why do we accept the opposite as the 'norm'? It's sad to me that women would rather just accept whatever falls off the table because they think there isn't any better, or rather, they can't do any better.

 

I refuse to be one of those women who are with somebody out of loneliness. That's a waste of everybody's time.

 

I do not want a thug, in any shape, form, or fashion. Why does that make me stuck up or judgmental because I know what I want and don't want? Granted, the guy that I may go for may not be shyt, either. I'm aware of the fact that you cannot judge a book by its cover. But life gives you tools to use for survival, and lessons to use to come to intelligent conclusions.

 

I have a plethora of examples of me going against my better judgment, and the horrid outcome of the situation being based on shyt I already knew.

 

I am not treating all guys the same, but you can't ignore a framework. You should approach all situations with caution; you can't expect someone else to always have your best interests at heart, because that's definitely not the case a lot of the time. You also can't go blindly into situations, giving too much trust to another human being. Because well, that's just dumb.

 

A happy medium must be found. I have prayed about my heart and am working on how to approach different romantic situations. God knows my heart, and has fashioned someone who fits me. Only He knows what's in store for me. He is building me to become a woman who knows and realizes her worth.

 

I am one who believes that you shouldn't have to sink back down to anyone's level, especially if you've worked your butt off to get to where you are. And if you happen to come across someone who just needs a boost, and they don't take it, then move on. Situations like that only hinder you from your greatness. Someone should meet you where you are, and you two should move forward together.

 

I know I am not perfect, so I don't expect him to be either. But I can't help what turns me off. If he doesn't like dark skinned chicks with dreads, well, that's his preference. I can't fault him. I'm sure he has his reasons, as I do mine. My standards aren't there with no backing; there is GOOD reason for each, and considering I'm the only one who has to deal with my relationships (or lack thereof), I don't feel the need to have to explain to anyone why I have the preferences that I do. Looking at the awesome examples of relationships around me, maybe the extra caution that I'm being condemned for may be beneficial to others…

 

So I end with this:

 

"It's not that we have different tastes in men; it's just that we have different standards."

 

One ♥

Love is Evol

You like that play on words, huh? No, I don't think love is evil, per say, but it IS a highly dangerous emotion…

 

People have maimed, murdered, and killed (themselves, other people, and the object of their affection)…so, WHY am I in a rush to get summa that??

 

Because I'm pretty confident that I'm not a freak of nature, and that I won't resort to such lengths to show my love…

 

…a back rub, dinner, or a poem will do.

 

There are psychological studies that prove that you never know what you'll do until you're in a particular situation…so, that being said, although I may think I'm pretty normal, I may just have a distant cousin named Lizzie Borden. I'm just saying. lol

 

There is definitely a fine line between love and infatuation, and insanity can shove that into obsession…

 

Damn, let me say that again!

 

"There is definitely a fine line between love and infatuation, and insanity can shove that into obsession…"

 

Ok, so I had to quote myself twice. This is the reason why you have to be delicate when dealing with someone's feelings; treat them like fragile pieces of ancient art. If you are careless, then it can turn into that second sentence up there…

 

Or, even further, be careful who you entertain. More often than not there are red flags being thrown on the play, and going ignored. Thoughts of changing a person or hoping they're going through a "phase" cross the minds of the hopeful, but I am reminded of a famous quote by Dr. Maya Angelou:

 

"When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM."

 

Truer words have never been spoken. I don't mean to scare anyone from the thought of love. I'm sure love can be the most wonderful feeling in the world; as a matter of fact, if people loved more, this world would be a better place. Seriously. I'm just saying LOVE RESPONSIBLY. People do NOT come with pause buttons, switches, battery packs, artificial intelligence, or rewinds. What you say/do is permanence. You may be forgiven, but your actions are never forgotten. Don't be somebody's strait jacket or stray tear.

 

People are not puppets, so don't play with them; cut the strings and move on. I cannot stress this enough.

 

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"…The Golden Rule never fails.

 

One ♥

 

 

 

Waiting is for Rooms…

Someone made a comment on Facebook about a celebrity that had just passed. She said, "You never really realize how much someone has done until they're gone."

 

Why is it that we greatly acknowledge the dead, and don't tell them while they're living?

 

"Don't wait until I'm dead to bring me flowers."<<heard someone say that once, too.

 

People need to know this day and age how they positively impact(ed) your life, and the lives of those around you. The devil is running rampant with negativity floating through the air, and we're doing nothing but floating listlessly in it.

 

Tell that person you appreciate them. Tell that person that you are blessed to have them in your life. TELL THAT PERSON THAT YOU LOVE THEM.

 

Don't wait until their eulogy.

 

Peace and Blessings.

 

One ♥

When do you apologize?

Or when do you just move forward?

 

There are people in my past that I have done wrong, admittingly. Whether it was purposeful (because I was hurt), or accidentally (because I was being self-centered), I know I have left hurt feelings in the past. A question I asked myself one day was:

 

Is it possible to knowingly be someone else's bad karma? Why not, if you can realize that you are their blessing, in their life for a reason?

 

Should you just let Karma be? That's a whole notha blog….

 

Oftentimes, people talk about their shoulda coulda woulda's on their deathbeds and stuff. I don't want to be one of those people.

 

I can look back and say, "Man…that WAS wrong." As a matter of fact, there are some people I have apologized to, but with others I've been hesitant. Guys, for instance, have egos to think about. I don't want to step up and admit to my thoughtlessness, and they tell me they didn't care either way. Then that makes me look arrogant, assuming that I have that much power to affect their feelings…I just don't want to look like an asshole.

 

I also feel if I did make an impact, then I don't want to go back and open old wounds…

 

I have this pride issue…if I was in a situation where my feelings were hurt as well, I feel as if the other person should step up and say something. It gets tiring being the bigger person all the time. I also feel like it indicates that I'M the one who's wrong all the time. It then brings about ill feelings within me if I don't get the response I want, something like, "I was wrong, too. I'm sorry."

 

Which brings be back to the original query: when do you apologize, or when do you just move forward?

 

Well, this is one I don't have a good answer for. I guess when the opportunity presents itself to have that discussion, then do what you feel is right at that moment. But I am done seeking people out to say, "Hey, about what happened between us…" I don't know if I'm doing that for MY benefit of theirs…me to feel better about the situation (guilty weight off my shoulders) or them to know I'm not a complete jackass (guilty weight off my shoulders)…same outcomes, huh…well…in conclusion:

 

Apologizing is a very selfish act! Hahahahaha

 

Not really, but seems that way, right? Happy Holidays:)

What Do the Lonely Do on New Years Eve?

This is a question I'm asking myself this year. This is the first year that I have no plans whatsoever. Even more depressing is the fact that I don't have anyone to bring in the New Year with at least. I don't have to be going out or drinking or the other "traditional" festivities, but to not even be bringing it in with a cousin? Sister? That's pretty sad…

 

I really hope that saying "whatever you're doing on New Years Eve is what you'll be doing the rest of the year" is not true. I, along with most humans, am social beings. I don't think I can spend one more year alone.

 

I don't know exactly what me changing that is going to entail. I cannot predict what is going to be happening 6 months from now if I don't even have the slightest clue what's going on 2 days from now.

 

I guess all that I can do is pray to God that I am fortunate to see another year, first and foremost. Secondly I pray for a prosperous year, whatever that may mean for me. Prosperity is not necessarily monetary. Third, I pray for His love and favor, and that He continues to have me wrapped in His arms of protection.

 

With all that being said, it would be nice to have this conversation with SOMEbody on New Years Eve…but, whatever I guess. Peace, love, and all that.

 

Pray for me, as I will for you.

 

One ♥

Unconditional Love

What are the dynamics of unconditional love?

 

Unconditional adj.: with no conditions or limitations

 

I once said that people use that term because they want someone to put up with their B.S. It's supposed to be acceptance, no matter what he or she does. But, at the same time, if that person returns the love, then they shouldn't want to hurt that person in any way, right? So why subject them to your B.S.?

 

Can you love someone unconditionally, but still want to remove yourself from a hurtful situation…?

 

..isn't that the essence of people who stay in abusive situations (physically, emotionally) because they "love" that person, no matter what he or she does?

 

I know that's the extreme of this, but it was just an example.

 

The term is very confusing to me, with so many fuzzy lines. I definitely still have love for a lot of people; it's just that the situations weren't spiritually or emotionally healthy for me to continue with. So does that make my love conditional, then, because I'll stay in this situation with you as long as I'm not hurting?

 

Of course this doesn't just mean a significant other. Friends and family can sometimes hurt you worse…

 

So sometimes I love from a distance…but I still love. Their spirits still reside in me because at some point I've given them the love of God, and that does not die…

 

…but you have to look out for number one if someone is making you number two, and making that decision so blatant that it shows through insensitivity and reckless disregard for your feelings and how things affect you.

 

In conclusion, I'm not sure if unconditional love is both ways all the time. It's probably more often that way then not. Humans can be a selfish species. Or maybe I give my love too freely. Someone once told me that I always try to find the good in people, no matter what they do. This is true. Everyone deserves at least one chance, and 9 times outta 10 what I find is so beautiful that I have no choice but to love it. It's just that other aspects of that person overshadow that, and leave me to leave THEM. But I'll always love that (whatever it is) about them; they just have to realize that NO ONE has to put up with their B.S., no matter how much they are loved.

 

One ♥

Platonics

Oh, this is a VERY controversial topic! I was doing a student group thing on campus, and the question was raised. Can a man and woman be strictly platonic? The trick was you had to either agree or disagree. There was no middle ground.

 

I disagreed.

 

Platonic adj.: not involving sexual relations involving friendship, affection, or love without sexual relations between people who might be expected to be sexually attracted to each other.

 

Thanks, Microsoft Word Dictionary!

 

So, some people may think that this simply means that the two people have never had sex. But oh no, this indicates sexual attractiveness, and even more, feelings. Now unless the guy is gay, or the woman is lesbian (which still doesn't matter sometimes because some people think that they can "convert" someone back over), a man and woman canNOT be friends without SOMEone catching some type of feeling at some point…the issue of where that feeling resides is irrelevant. Lol

 

I'll give you some time to think about an instance where this wasn't true. Go on. I'll wait.

 

Men don't approach random women with the thought, "HEY! I think we'd make really great friends!" Although it may turn into that, that wasn't the initial motive.

 

I've unfortunately had a few friendships die over the intricate mixing of lover and friend. No matter what angle you go at it, it will fail…unless you're ignorant or naïve, but even THEN it comes back to bite you in the ass.

 

In a perfect world, it would be nice to have a friend to spend time with, cuddle and watch movies with, and just be yourself without the weirdness of feelings arising. Sometimes things get effed up when you make them more than they are. ALL COUPLES DO NOT NEED TO BE COUPLES. But alas, this cannot be. I stand by my opinion. If you come to me with a counter example, I will find a hole. Period.

 

Ok. This was my 5:00pm rant, and I hope you will stay tuned for more. Peace.

 

~*Love, Peace, and Pen*~

If It Ain’t Broke…

…then don't try to fix it, right? But what if it IS broke? How broken is something before you just say eff the crazy glue and throw it away?

 

Man it's hard to decide what to forgive, and what to let go these days. People always tell you to weigh the pros and cons, and whichever is greater, that's what you go with. But I think that subconsciously, sometimes people put more on that side of the scale which is most in their favor. Wouldn't it be awesome if there was an "easy" button?

 

I've had a situation on my mind for a while now, and as much as I may miss that person, I have to constantly look to the definition of the word past and remember why they are in it. Then I reevaluate the situation, wondering if there was a warranty, if this can be repaired.

 

Then I get to remembering the laundry list of reasons behind the total power failure, including the aftermath…and I am angry with myself. Angry that I've wasted precious synapses on someone who isn't worth the blink of my eye. Don't get it twisted; I didn't decide they weren't worth it; they decided with their actions. I like to let decisions make themselves; people dig their own graves. This way I'm not the one left holding the shovel…

 

But oh how I miss the old days. Doesn't reminiscing suck sometimes? It makes you bipolar. First you feel all warm inside, then your thoughts are fast forwarded in time to the point where it all went downhill, and now you want to kick a puppy. I don't suggest that though. I happen to like puppies.

 

Then I start singing Bryan McKnight: "Do I ever cross your mind/ Anytime/ Do you ever wake up reaching out for meee/ Do I ever cross your mind/ Anytime/ I miss you". Makes you wonder if they are wasting the same time thinking about you, as you are them. They say if something is meant to be yours, it will come back to you. I don't know if that's exactly accurate, because I've definitely had some scuzzball ex-boyfriends come back that can't even touch my door knob without me spraying it down with Lysol.

 

But in the end, you have to come to terms with what you can't control (feelings), and what you can (actions), then find a happy medium. Things fade with time, like bruises and the scent of their body in your sheets. Hold on to the memories and lessons; that's the stuff life is made of.

 

And if you're wondering if they're supposed to be coming back to you, don't. It only holds you back from the life you're supposed to be living, with Father Time leaving you on the curb. He doesn't wait for anybody. Have faith that things will turn out in the best way possible to make your life the most awesome it can be, with or without him/her. Things will soon happen to put things into perspective, to show you what's REALLY important; therein lays your answer :)

 

One ♥

 

 

 

 

 

I Loved a Poet Once

Note: Here's some rhythm…I get decent feedback, I might post some more. I can rattle all day about nothing, and not care, but my soul is important to me…

 

~Poetress

He knows how I cum

how my breathing shatters windows

when I hit that crescendo

and words seep onto pages

I loved a poet once

and he loved every single erogenous zone

from that spot behind my ear

to my last poem

We left evidence of our love shaking

and verse making

in the paint on the walls of my bedroom

We graffitied murals

onto my sheets

We spoke stanzas simultaneously

and then separately

We agreed on where emphasis should be

where pauses should live

stuck between the creases of our lips

and the dip of our hips

We erased, tried again

got a new pen…when it ran out of ink

Stopped when writer's block didn't allow us to think

Then we looked into each other's eyes and found inspiration

I loved a poet once

He knew how to make me cum on pages

how to make me expose myself…

…not afraid to be naked…

He opened me up to a world where

I didn't have to fake it

He taught me that no words are wasted

and mistakes…to embrace it

He taught me not to be afraid of

wet spots

that just means you've been working hard

I loved a poet once

He left me with a

piece with no end

I don't want to lose my flow

So…

I need to find a new pen…

 

Why I Started Writing…

There is an Alpha to everything. People always want to hear things like "how did you first meet" and "what was your first love like?"

 

My first love just may be synonymous with poetry.

 

So…why did I start writing?

 

Because I didn't know how to talk. That sounds weird. No I wasn't mute. I grew up in a household where there was no communication. People just, well, were.

 

Because I had no good example of how to express my feelings, they came out in various ways: fighting at school, breaking things, reading (being a recluse), and drawing. I was a strange child indeed. That drawing soon turned into writing; I wrote my first poem at 12. Back then I didn't know how instrumental words would be in my life, so I have no idea where that poem is.

 

As I got older, that whole puberty-hormone change-angst thing started, so I wrote a lot of poems about love, love lost, and other sappy things. A poet I saw last semester coined 2 terms I now use: in high school, I wrote on the page poetry. It wasn't until I got to college that I started writing on the stage poetry. I ain't been right since :)

 

Now, I write about things that matter to me, and to the reader. I've been called "relatable" a lot. One person told me that I'm always "telling somebody about themselves" in my work…I'd have to agree, for the most part. I guess I soften the blow in the most elegant way possible. They don't know they're feelings are hurt until later. Lol. But seriously, I write about issues that plague the layman. I am the layman's spokesperson.

 

As an adult, I've learned how to express myself verbally; you learn that quickly when life circumstances that could have been avoided with words, pop up. Closed mouths don't get fed.

 

But, as we much as we like to talk to other human beings for that feeling of companionship, there are still things that only your pen and paper understand. People like to give their opinions (even when you don't ask for it). Your computer screen simply listens.

 

Granted, I share my poetry, too, but there are some gems that are still in the vault, that may never come out. Why? Because people don't need to know everything. If I were to lay my guts on the table, I'd be sought out by the authorities. Don't turn up your nose. I'm not the only crazy mutha out here. Lol.

 

I continue to write because, well, how else am I supposed to exist?

 

So, I guess you guys are probably tired of the "thoughts" part of this blog? Where's the "rhythm"? Coming soon….

Soul Mates?

So…what exactly is a soul mate? Do they exist?

 

And does this person (assuming they exist) have to be a significant other?

 

I've had guys in my life (I can count them on two fingers. Lol) who have reached parts of me that I didn't think necessary; each in their own special ways, and neither of them existed very long in my life…ok, one did, sort of, but soul mates are supposed to last, right?

 

Where is Webster's when you need'em?

 

I still love those men, too. Despite the hardships and downfalls we had, love like that doesn't die. Otherwise, it wasn't real love.

 

About that "in love" stuff? I'm not 100% on that at all. I guess if I question it, I've never been "in love". I'm very sure of love, though. That's when you can still feel them moving around in your heart. I still feel them.

 

I've had women whom I connected with, too (not in that way, please). One still exists, and one fell off. Love them both, too. Life is funny. Feelings will confuse you more than being turned around in circles and then being made to do Calculus. But I wouldn't trade them for the world.

 

Although I don't talk to these "connections", the universe still has us connected in some way. I wonder if that counts for something.

 

I don't know if they'll ever read this, but if you do, I will love you always. I won't say names, because I feel as if they were as connected to me as I was to them, names aren't necessary. And if you're not sure if this was about you, well, it probably wasn't.

 

So, do soul mates exist? I think so. But nothing tangible is forever.

So...this is my first time blogging. I guess this is like an online diary that everyone can read?

ok...I can deal with that.

I'll start by saying:

Some people call me a poet.

Am I, or do I simply put my thoughts to rhythm? If my thoughts already flow fluidly through my mind, is it poetry, or am I simply speaking?

I suppose I will use this space write about things that won't seem to work in stanza form.

My personal vent...I hope there's enough room to breathe.

You will get to see the depths of my mind, both literally and metaphorically. It's a never ending cavern of thoughts that I wish I had the speed of Sonic the Hedgehog to get out, but as quickly as they appear, they vanish...

...and all I'm left with is emotions with no homes; they've been kicked out by my thoughts. Yes, my thoughts can be so cruel sometimes:)

But I love me, anyway, as I know you will, too. Tell your neighbor. Unless he/she's creepy; I'll then deny everything.

Stay tuned for more randome thoughts. I promise you won't be bored.

And, oh yeah. Those people who say I am a poet? They are only half true.

I am also: a woman, sister, friend, former lover, student, employee, wierdo, loner, lover, giver. I know I said half, then listed a number of things; this is because poetry is a big part of who I am; everything else is sidenotes. SO...

Yes I am a poet, among other things. Follow me, and you'll learn more! One love.

~*Love, Peace, and Pen*~