Friends Forever

It's easy to make friends as a child. Friendship was based on vicinity: who lived on your block, who went to your school, and who was in your family. If you should so happen to grow up with that person, then secrets are shared, with some maybe involving them. Since adolescence is full of firsts, you experience those together, too. In short, to grow with those people meant sharing parts of you as time went along. They were there with you as things happened, so there was no need to go back and tell most things; they already knew because they existed in that time frame. And if they still stuck around, then you know they accepted you and all of your eccentricities.

 

I think that's precisely the reason it's hard to make friends at an older age. People are reluctant to letting others into their hearts (for whatever personal reason). I am a selfish friend in the sense that I want all of you, no hidden agendas, no secrets. I am also a foolish friend in the sense that I believe people should be as open as I am. Any type of relationship require trust to function, and in my mind if someone isn't being 100, or just giving me a half story, they don't trust me, therefore we are not real friends; just really cool acquaintances. I yearn for authenticity, for types of friendships that are built and cherished. These days, though, it seems as if I'm the only one making efforts to build in all my relationships, and that hurts me. I initiate calls, texts, and quality time. My life is pretty hectic, too, but like I always say: people make time for what they want to make time for.

 

I'm always falling victim to loving others more than they love me, on all fronts…and this must stop.

 

I don't like to second guess myself and my worth. And yes, God does love me and accepts me for who I am, flaws and all. But I need earthly companionship. Humans are a social animals, and I am no different. I just would like someone to see me as worth the effort of getting to know and making time for. To go through life and not feel important to anyone is rough; to not feel genuinely loved is even rougher.

 

I love the people that I love, and try to show them every chance that I get. I can't remember the last time one of my people performed a random act of kindness on my behalf. If just doesn't occur to them. I guess what I'm saying is that there's a simple way to love me: action. And if that need isn't being met, then it speaks volumes of the people in question, and my place in their lives. But if the current people are lacking in that department and new people are giving me the cold shoulder then….where does that leave me to turn in this world?

 

One ♥